Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
