I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
