So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
