wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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