I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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