White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
