Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
