We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
