my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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