i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
