This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
