becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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