Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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