when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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