omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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