apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
