Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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