Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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