so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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