I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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