I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
