We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
