You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
MIDGETS
????
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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