when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
