Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm at about main and main street
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
