WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
