I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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