You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
