you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
