Im at strip club and am horny
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
