I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sext me about skeletons
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
