What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
