Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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