dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
