I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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