that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she told me i tasted like america
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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