My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize