So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
