I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
