You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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