third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize