Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
