My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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