I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
