Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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