Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
