Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
