Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
