Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
