I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
