Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize