Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
