Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
