If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
