If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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