Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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