Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
