if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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