I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
