i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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