His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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