Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
