He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize