Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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