I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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