So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My penis needs a shock collar
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
