Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
