I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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