I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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