If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
