You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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