"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
