She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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