I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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